storming

We have been talking a lot about the phases of group process/living in community. Having lived in an intentional community, I have definitely experienced this before. Having watched two communities after my own go through a similar cycle, I was anticipating a general flow of growth here. We talked about four stages: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing. Forming is kind of like the honeymoon period, Storming is when the honeymoon is over and things 'get real.' Norming is when things settle in and you are really starting to form as a community. Performing is the hardest to get to, because its really when you are truly bringing out the best in one another as a community and truly acting as a community.

I anticipated the Forming stage. We are all still getting to know each other, everyone is playing nice. I think that having some kind of significant Forming stage is important because otherwise the Storming stage can be way more difficult. Those delightful bed bugs we had/have threw us headlong into a Storming stage after only two weeks. Way. Too. Fast. The Storm has hit. But it's an awkward Storm because we are still a little bit in the Forming stage. It's like we feel the storm, we acknowledge it but we aren't really set to ride it through. And the other house of people? Still honeymooning. Which makes a storm even fouler when the people across the way are still in sunny skies. It's not to be jealous, but it's hard to remind yourself that they eventually will hit the storming part too. We are having too much difficulty looking at sunny skies that we left behind, not the ones that are in front of us.

What does such a storm look like? Well, it itches. And when everyone shares the intention to be open and honest with one another, it falls be the wayside in favor of passive aggression and carrying around frustration. Is this healthy? Probably not. But it's complicated. We aren't unconditional with one another. It's not like living with people you've been friends with, or with family.You can hash things out better with other people who you know care about you unconditionally. We have all been here four weeks. There is no promise that someone you disagree with wont be alienated by what you say. Even if it isn't in the very front of your mind, the insecurities of getting to know so many people take priority over effective communication, compassion, gentleness, and taking the risk of being open to community.

To be fair, community isn't all just difficult trying times. Open and beautiful conversations are still happening, they just tend to be more hidden in corners. There are still several hands that share in making food that is shared by even more hands. Today that food was taboule made from fresh parsley that we picked from our garden and beautiful tomatoes brought home from work. It also came in the form of homemade cinnamon caramel rolls made from the frozen dough we gleaned from the supermarket (They literally looked the same as if you pulled them out of a pilsbury can thingy). Later, it will be sushi as someone's boyfriend shows us all how to make sushi. We all still laugh over old school music (Aaliyah, O-Town, Avril Lavigne) hidden on our Ipods, but we still all remember the words. Praise God for these joys. My friend Kayde who I lived in community with at DePaul is coming to visit tonight on her way to California. I haven't seen her in almost a year. It will be a comfort to see her because not only did we live in community before, but we didn't see eye to eye on a number of issues. And I still love her dearly and am excited to see her. She is a very timely reminder to me that it can still be easy to love people that you have had plenty of conflict with.

Loving God, help me to remember that You have always been most present to me through those around me. Help me to trust that whether it be comfort or conflict that I encounter, You are there in it all.