I got on my Google homepage this morning to check over news headlines. I do this occasionally, to make sure I am not missing out on anything important in the world. I know the Supreme Court is supposed to make a decision soon about religion and the health mandate so I thought I would check news headlines this morning. The one that caught my eye, however, was this: "Why rapists in the miliary get away with it." The very organizations that are supposed to protect this entire country also enable sexual assault. Consistently. Intentionally.
This is by no means the first time I have read or heard anything about rape in the military. It is the umpteenth time I have heard things about rape. This article, however, struck a different chord with me as it is the week following Father's Day. I am deeply grateful for my father every day of my life. He set an incredible example for me and my sister about how we should expect to be treated by men. As far back as I can remember, I have always received flowers from him on my birthday. He always opens car doors for me, but is still respectful of my independence. It has been a lesson for me to learn how to be gracious when it comes to having him open every. single. door for me. I had to remember it's not about whether or not I can do it myself, but because my dad loves me so dearly. When my sister and I had a terrible heartbreak, we would receive flowers and a dinner invitation from my dad. Even when we get up on our independent feminist high horses, he might roll his eyes but he has always made sure we had the opportunities and means to do what our hearts are called to. He is the last person to tell us we can't do something, if it's what we really want.
I have never been sexually assaulted, but I know that if it ever happened to me and I chose to tell my dad, it would break is heart. Not in a disappointing way, but because I know that any pain of mine is his as well. So it absolutely kills me to see such a massive system of rape where (most of) the men involved just. do. not. care. I have to ask myself - Do they have daughters? Do they have mothers? Even the men who don't directly perpetrate these attacks but receive reports - do they not feel anything in their own hearts? What were they taught as children? Were they directly taught that women are available for sex even without their consent? Or was it small indirect things that accumulated together to cause them to believe that women are less valuable?
The quote that infuriated me the most was: "You're from Colorado -- you're tough. You need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. ... I can't babysit you all of the time."
Why. WHY. Why the victim blaming? Why is it her fault? You can babysit the United States and keep the 'bad guys' away but you can't make sure that people who are RISKING THEIR LIVES in the military are safe with their own? You cannot teach men the first time around to be respectful of women? Of other people, period? Being raped and suffering from it has nothing to do with being tough. It's not like a skinned knee. It is a direct assault on your value as a person. It is a message from the perpetrator, and so in this instance a colleague, that you are of less worth. Every knows it's easier to believe the bad stuff. It's even easier when their is physical behavior to back up the horrible terrible lies. Because the truth is, in the eyes of many men, women are seen as less than. The lines between the truth of the inherent value and dignity of all human beings gets so mucked up with that terrible ways we learn to treat one another. Just because it becomes a habit or acceptable behavior to some, does not mean it should be. It does not make it ok. It is not her fault. She should not have to learn to avoid rape. People should be taught not to rape. Period.
As I think about future job prospects, I see myself in high school and college settings. A big question that always comes up for me is "How will I teach students who come my way to respect and love one another?" In all my theology and ministry studies I keep coming back to the importance of human dignity. How do we learn to be body and sex positive? How do we learn to see ourselves and one another as valuable and beautiful beings created in God's image? How do we begin to take seriously the idea that we are all created in God's image. I am sacred in my creation, as are you, as is everyone. Why do we forget that so easily? I want any student who crosses my path to remember that they are valuable. Sex should be used for mature and faithful love, not as a power play or a means to devalue another person. If someone's father or mother has forgotten to teach them this, maybe I can.
In the article I followed a link to the site for the documentary "The Invisible War" and watched the trailer. It was frustrating and disheartening. As much as I can be angry at so many men for choosing to demean and devalue women over and over again, I was also struck at the scene where a military official is being yelled at for not prosecuting such assaults. It may be only a power play between two men, I really don't know. But it is a reminder to me that there are wonderful and incredible people who do not condone rape and assault. Who will stand with those of us who want to feel safe wherever we go.
So today I am extra grateful for my father. Happy Father's Day
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