Saying 'no' is hands down one of the hardest parts of my job. It's a two-letter, one-syllable word that makes life at work much more difficult.
"I have no way of getting home. Can you give me tokens?"
"I know it's almost close, but can I still get food?"
"Do you help with rental assistance?"
"My power is getting shut off. Can I get utility assistance?"
"Can't you make an exception this one time?"
These are all questions (or versions of questions) that I have had to answer by saying no. Do I want to? No. I want to say yes. I want to hand them enough tokens to get them home, to get to work, to get to the doctor. I want to give them extra food. I want to tell them they can go home without worrying if they will be able to turn the lights on when they get there. But I can't. Most of the time, I don't have it to give, or it would be making an exception that could come back to haunt me as others hear about it and want the same 'exceptions' made. Making exceptions doesn't help us to run efficiently and could end up hurting other clients if it keeps us from serving them as well.
Some questions I could easily say 'yes' to. I had a client on Monday who asked me for a can of tomatoes to make spaghetti with. I could have easily headed back to the pantry and gotten one can of tomatoes. No problem. However, this client was one I had seen the week before in a one on one appointment for a birth certificate. So we knew each other by name and he was not just a random client asking me for something. I also knew that he had received food the week before, and a few staff members had mentioned that a mistake had been made and he had received food more than once in a thirty day period, and we only permit clients to come once every thirty days. In this situation, I felt totally taken advantage of. I was irritated. It was all I could do to not make some rude remark. I calmly explained that canned tomatoes are a very in-demand item for our clients and that they are also something that we don't received in large quantities and are expensive to purchase, even for us (there are many items we can purchase at 10 cents/pound). He was less than happy with me.
It was one of those awkward moments where I felt okay saying no, because I knew that I wouldn't really be helping someone who legitimately needed something. Sometimes saying 'no' frequently helps to avoid the times when someone is trying to trick you into something. I have caught people lying outright about how they got to the office today because they want the tokens, even if they won't use them right away and have a car to drive home. I hate feeling like I've been fooled. I hate that I can't outrightly trust any one client because I never really know if someone is trying to trick me.
I just want to give everyone everything they are looking for. True, there are those who are making their rounds to agencies getting as much as they can, even dishonestly. But the majority of the people who come here are hurting. They get the run-around from so many places. They want answers and they want help but what we are able to give them is so conditional. Food, but only with an ID and proof of address. Utilities assistance, but call this day at this time and hope to God that you get through the line, but only after you apply for LEAP. Tokens, but only if you're getting food, and you have to come on this day for tokens to the doctors or to work, but only 5 fares. There are so many 'no's and so many 'if's. I feel like a broken record. When I turn someone away who have had their lights shut off, what are they going to do? Go home and sit in the dark? I can stop thinking about it once they walk out the door, because I get to go home to my house where my bills are paid each month and I will have a fridge full of food. Easy for me to say 'no' because I don't have a whole lot of people telling me 'no.' I have had a life of 'yes.' Everyone who gets to hear 'yes' all the time makes up most of the population of people who have to say 'no.'
